45 Shades of Grey

I went out yesterday.  Left the apartment like a normal person.  Went to Starbucks, walked around a flea market (almost made some drug induced purchases) and then picked up some paint samples.  Sitting around for 3 months staring at white walls makes you want to paint your apartment.  Grey.  Now, a psychoanalyst may say that means I'm sad but I would say that just means I'm very, very hip or perhaps on too many drugs and very, very sad indeed.  But, let's go with hip because right now I've got like 45 shades of grey to pick from.  

Now, the only reason I did these crazy activities semi-against my will was because my patient, ever hopeful husband keeps asking every Friday night "what are we going to do this weekend?"  Before every weekend he gets amnesia that we're not some normal couple who go out and do normal things on the weekend.  Hello?  Remember last weekend?  I was in bed.  But, it's a Holiday, so I thought I'd play along!  I timed it right, took my drugs just as we walk out the door.  And I thought I did ok.  But shortly after we got home, I was in such excrutiating pain, the only way I could describe it to him was that if the remote control was a needle and it could have helped me, I would have jammed it into my pelvis.  So, I think that's it on the outings for a bit.  

But, it calls into question all the Pain Clinic meds.  Hello guys?  What are you really doing for me other than killing my liver?  You're certainly not helping with pain.  But the Methadone may and that is still an option for my next visit along with trying another nerve block.  Though with the initial Lupron surge worsening my symptoms I really feel like I should just drop the pain clinic all together because I don't think they're going to be able to give me any relief as this would seem to be a gynecological problem.  But who wants to be a quitter?  Especially when this is my only doctor that's actually in-network and doesn't require his full fee up front!!  

No doctor wants to tell me SQUAT.  At this point all I'm looking for is what specialty I need to be seeing.  In my own mind, It's got to be Gynecological since the Lupron flare worsened my symptoms so dramatically the first two weeks.  Now whether or not the Lupron ends up helping with my pain is another story but I at least know I'm working with something that is gynecological related.  That would seem to make sense, no?  Because I've got family members suggesting seeing other specialities right now but that just doesn't make sense - if it's a nerve problem or a vascular problem how do you explain a worsening of symptoms based on a rise in estrogen??

It'll be four weeks on Lupron this Thursday.