Methadone Induced Shopping

The Fourth of July wedding in Annapolis was really nice - the bride looked beautiful.  But sitting on plastic chairs for 8 hours - not so nice. Husband looked very cute as Best Man in his seersucker suit - so not his usual style but he pulled it off like a champ.  For awhile I sat outside the tent and just watched everyone dancing - that was a bit more depressing than I could handle.  If ever I could be invisible, it would have been then.  80s bands apparently do not play slow songs for people with nerve problems in their pelvis's to slowly move to.  So, Husband and his drunken friends fist-pumped their way thru the 80s, sweating thru their shirts while I drank shirley temples and watched from the side lines on my plastic chair.  Not a firework in sight.  At least I had semi-tan legs, my new lipstick and there was some late-20s single people drama to keep me entertained.  

As for the methadone, the other night I fell asleep seeing men dressed in french fry costumes. Not to psychoanalyze but what in the world does that mean?  My brain is turning to mush?  I am hungry?  Preparing for next years Halloween?  My memory is totally shot, I've been obsessed with my medical care, can name every drug I'm on but am starting to forget my doctors names - while with them.  And now the weirdest is that I'm turning into a narcoleptic.  I just *poof* was asleep suddenly the other day while on the computer and holding up a catalog (fingers marking pages)....I fall asleep while pages are loading on the internet...while doing really just about anything.  People think I am drunk if they catch me close to the time I'm supposed to take my next dose.  I am officially now a slooooow talker.  

These drugs also seem to have lowered certain inhibitions - for instance, shopping.  I almost never, never do this.  Can't remember the last time I bought something online. However, since starting on the Methadone, I'm now a big J.Crew internet shopper- they have the best really thin cashmere sweaters on sale (extra 20% off sale stuff using extra20 at checkout until Friday) and I'm a skin/facial cosmetics shopper.  When in Baltimore there was a mall next door and I bought a couple of things in there - things that I normally would not buy - I would want and think about buying but would just walk away.  So it's interesting. And even knowing that, I've still been looking online today at an incredibly overpriced face mask (Dr. Sebagh Deep Exfoliating Mask for Sensitive Skin) that I want to purchase after using a sample - that did miraculous things to the blackheads on my chin - like, made them go away. 

Very odd behavior that this drug seems to bring out.  But, one could also argue that it has just made me feel ever so slightly better and so I want to get back into the world and this is my way of doing so.  Who knows.  But a $100 mask is way better than some other things I could be getting myself into trouble with.    

Tomorrow I'm seeing a new Pain Doctor - highly recommended to me - hopefully he will help me figure out my meds and come up with a game plan.  He is supposed to be interested in diagnosis as well as pain management.  So that'll be a first.  I've got some important doctor visits coming up in mid-July and I'd like to not be all doped up for them (sounding like I'm 3 martinis in) so hopefully this doctor will agree and help me to decrease the Methadone.  I'm realizing now that it was a very bad decision to agree to do it in the first place.  I was desperate for help but I should have stayed focused on finding the diagnosis -- stuck it out through the pain.  So we'll see what happens...Can't second guess things now.